Me Up To Now

Well, here I am again. This is a post just about me and my life so people get an insight to me. This is how it all began….

I was born on Monday 18th February 1980. I was born at home, at my birth was my Father and Grandmother. My Grandmother was pleased to be there, she asked my Mother if I could be named after her, unfortunately my Mother had already chosen my name, my Mother agreed for me to have my Grandmothers name as a middle name. My name became Amanda Louise Joan.


I grew up with an elder sister and brother, Pamela and James. 18 months after I was born my little brother Michael was then born. A lot of people thought that Michael and I was twins as I was a dot when I little. I was always a little daddies girl and still to this day I am, I can wrap my Father round my little finger.

Most of my childhood days were spent in hospital. At the age of 18 months I had a turn at home where I couldn’t breath. The GP came out and said straight away that I needed an ambulance, he rang for one but he thought it were taking too long for the ambulance to come and rushed my mother and myself in his own car up to the hospital. I were diagnosed with asthma. It didn’t get easier growing up, school was skipped as I was in and out of hospital. I can always remember back in those days I had a teacher from the hospital come to my bedside with school work to do. So yes, I never missed out on it.

I spent time with family members, sleeping over at houses with my cousins. In nursery, that is where I met my best friend Karen. We remained friends until we were 16 years old and as some do, we lost contact but through the power of Facebook we found each other again. I remember sleeping over at each other houses, getting up to mischief when we use to skive from high school.


The above photo was taken at my Grandparents house. Left to right, Michael, James, Pamela and myself.

Fast forward now to when I were around 18 years of age. I were diagnosed with depression. Times was hard with my depression, I hit away from everyone including family. I use to spend time with neighbours who moved away from the area. To be honest, this is when I use to self harm, take overdoses. I hid it away from people. The overdoses became more regular and more dangerous. I remember the last time it happened, I were rushed to hospital because I were totally out of it and fell over and smacked my head open, part of my hair had to be shaved so it could be stitched up again. That’s when my parents and sister became involved. The 3 of them sat my down, I had to come clean with them but I didn’t know how to or what their reaction was going to be, this was it, I spoke, it all came out then I crumbled and cried. Of course they were ok with me, why wouldn’t they have been, they were my family. They then became my rocks, helping me to rebuild my life. It was a slow journey. My sister gave me a diary to record my thoughts, her boyfriend Kevin gave me a teddy bear for comfort and my parents gave me love, more love than I needed to get through it, my mother and sister also offered and came to counseling meetings with me. To me the counseling meetings didn’t work, medication did and I also had to do it on my own and clear my head out. I still locked myself away but it was happening less.

Nieces, nephews started to come along and by this time I were getting stronger. I had been offered a flat from the council, 5 minutes away from my parents house. This was my chance, I had to take it. It would be hard but still I had family around me. I picked up the keys, this place was mine and I were going to make it mine. I decorated it myself, a little help from family but it was my project. The move in gay became closer. I moved in when I were 21. I loved it, my own place. I still visited my parents mostly everyday, but I think this helped with my road to recovery. I had my sister-in-law come to visit most days as by this time my niece was in nursery, just round the corner from me. I loved having her pop round.




Pictures of my nieces and nephews when they were younger.



So now let me take you the year of 2004. There I was in my flat, bored and alone. I started playing around with my phone. I went onto a chat site and started talking to this man. As it were late we agreed to meet on there again the following night. I didn’t get my hopes up but as I went back on there he was. We chatted more and agreed to exchange numbers. We spoke more. a few months past and as we had exchanged photos of each other, we agreed to meet up. He didn’t live in my hometown, so I traveled up to meet him. Of course my parents were scared so I had given them his phone number and I had to keep in regular contact with my parents. We hit it off straight away. He met me off the train (when I finally got there as I got off a stop too early!) Straight away he held my hand and we walked and talked and went to pub for a drink. He then said to me that he had to tell me something, that’s it I thought, he was married, my heart sunk. No, he fibbed about his age. Was that it? 8 years between us that was ok with me. He then asked me a question whilst we were sat there, could he kiss me? My god, of course he could! I noticed too that he had a nice bottom! We walked around his hometown and then went to his to talk. That’s when I met his dog. I returned home the same down and told my parents about him. We continued to meet up and he came to mine a few times. I got to admit, the day I met Stuart, he changed my life for the better. I did have something to live for!

Time went on, we loved each other more and the day finally came when he asked if he could marry me. I were over the moon. He got me a ring and came down to mine. We went up to my parents house and that’s when Stuart stood up and asked my parents if he could have my hand in marriage. My parents were over the moon too. He was very welcomed in the family. We had an engagement party at my Grandparents house, this is also when my parents met Stuarts parents. Things were really looking up for me. I loved Stuart with my heart. We hadn’t set a date yet when my mother said let’s go looking for a dress one day when we were in town. I agreed to only look. That ended up with my trying one on, falling in love with it and putting a deposit down for it. How was going to tell Stuart? He was fine and then we set the date. We met up the priest and the church was booked for the 4th August 2007. As Stuart didn’t live where I were living it was all phone calls and pictures to him when it came to organising the wedding. Mother was great too. I wanted the whole big white wedding and with all the planning Stuart and I achieved it. He came down for when we picked the venue and meal. All suits were ordered for Stuart, best man, my father, his father, my grandfather, page-boy, ushers and my 2 brothers. Bridesmaid dresses also ordered for my sister and niece.






Pictures of Stuart, best man, usher, brothers, sister and niece at our wedding.

Well the day finally came. I were excited and nervous. Would Stuart turn up to the church. I knew he were down as he had my flat for the night as I spent the night at parents with sister, niece and nephew. My parents had a house full again. I got ready and the time came when I came downstairs. My mother went off in one car with the bridesmaids. I waited back. That was when my father came into the living to see me, he was stunned. Of course that’s when all fathers give the speech, are you sure this is what you want to do, it’s not too late to change your mind etc. My father started to open his mouth and I could feel myself started to cry, I said I wanted to marry Stuart and that’s all he heard, I gave my father a hug. The care pulled up and we got in. Pulled up outside the church, straight away I asked my mother if Stuart was there, she smiled and nodded. The day was special and happy and I couldn’t have wished for it any other way.






So that was us on our wedding day. So where I am now? Still married to the love of my life, Stuart. Moved out of my hometown to Chesterfield in Derbyshire. In a job I love and great friends. Next step of our lives is to move to bigger house and start a family. The next step into out journey I can’t wait. It will complete us even more.

Thank you for your time reading about my life.



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